kaffy_r (kaffy_r) wrote,

Dept. of Slow Progress

The Sun Is Shining

And I am having a tea break in downtown Wolfville, before going back to see my mother again. I saw her for about two hours this morning. Her mind was a good deal clearer, which helped me to see what part of her confusion was definitely due to the meds, and which was not. It was a relief, a calm breath taken in the middle of the roller coaster.  I'll be seeing her later tonight, but I want to get back to my stepdad, and serve him some supper. I want to bring some steadiness back into his life.

He and I talked and talked last night; if you knew Rob, you'd know how monumental a thing this is. He is the original laconic farmer-fisherman. But last night we talked about curling and watched some curling on TV (Canadian TV! They take curling seriously! God, I've missed curling; even though I've never played, I love to watch it!) and he talked about the art and science of pebbling ice for fast ice versus slow ice. He talked about his theories of evolution and nutrition (he says all of life can be encapsulated in the life of a frog. We're just like that, and evolution is just like that, he says.) We talked about nature and the dangers of letting prey outnumber predators and the opposite danger of predators outnumber prey. It was tiring but absolutely wonderful, because I got such a chance to see into his mind.

But we didn't talk too much about Mum. He has a hard time doing that. He gave me a few clues, though, about his worries and his sadness. Boy, do those two need to talk.

He's stubborn, and silent. My mum is stubborn and talkative. This has, in the last few years, led them to a sort of mutual isolation, exacerbated by their mutual deafness (how can you talk when both of you misunderstand the first sentence, and then are too stubborn to repeat yourself? Gah. Stubborn.) And Mum says 'he never talks!' But that's because she never talks to him. She takes care of him - and she takes care of him so authoritatively that he feels like an outside who has no say in things; my mum, the former Navy nursing sister, the long time night shift nurse in a tiny town hospital, does everything. She makes all the decisions for him, even when she should include him.

One of his daughters who has been a godsend in the last few days talked to me, and we found out we feel the same way. We're going to try to talk to them. That may not really end well, and we may not be able to do it for a few weeks, which means I will have to do it at a distance, once I'm back in Chicago, but it's still a very good idea. I think my brother agrees.

But first we've got to get her healed. She has a very slow metabolism, so the healing will be particularly slow with her age and frailty, but I believe she can heal. Then she can get mobile ... but that's thinking too far ahead. On Monday my brother will come up and he and I will talk; I want to talk, along with him, to the doctors, to get a first hand report. I'm tired of getting second-hand reports.

Hmm. It's close to suppertime here. I suppose I should close up shop and get back to Rob. Then I'll convince him to come back to the hospital with me.

Meanwhile back home, BB has acquired yesterday's Doctor Who for me. Bless him. I'll have two to watch when I get home next Sunday.

Thanks, all of you, for listening. And I hope your days have been good, and peaceful.

This entry was originally posted at http://kaffyr.dreamwidth.org/254985.html?mode=reply, where there are currently comment count unavailable comments. You can comment there or here; I watch both.
Tags: canada, family, home stuff, medical, pain

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